Oxygen

Physical health issues have taken a toll on me, most of the times I’m unable to breathe. I feel as if there is something heavy in my chest that’s blocking my airways. Anxiety and depression have also kicked in because my mental health couldn’t stand the desperation caused by my physical health. I can’t breathe, I need air, actual air! I’m envious of people who are healthy. The biggest blessing of all is health, period. Everything else comes after. If health deteriorates, everything else follows. My condition makes me irritable, my meds make me irritable, my anxiety and depression want me to end myself. My life is falling apart and depression is back with a bang, living feels like a burden to me. I don’t see any point in living except the pain that comes with it. Physical and mental pain of life!

Digressing from every path

Living in a reverie

Continuously changing dreams,

Where am I?

All knots are weakening

I’m not in control!

Nobody’s listening

Im calling out desperately,

No one’s there

Im suffocating

Both literally and metaphorically,

I need to call out to you

God!

Listen to me

Take hold of me

I need my adrenaline

I need to feel alive

Death shouldn’t be this hard

I need a peaceful death

I wanna unite,

My saviour,

My mere hope…

© Soiba

Image: SecEd

26 Comments Add yours

  1. Praying for healing for you. ❤peace be with you.❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. soiba says:

      Thank you for all your kindness 🙂
      Blessings and good wishes for you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome.❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Prayers for resilience, endurance, peace and ease to the utmost extent for you my friend 🙏🏼 I will keep the faith and trust for you, just take one more step, no more and don’t give up. The light at the end of the tunnel is real, the tunnel is not. I have been there and through, the only way is through 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼💛💛💛 Healing prayers and energy your way ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

    Liked by 3 people

    1. soiba says:

      Passing through the tunnel and that tiny hope is letting me pass that I would find that light eventually. Thank you so much Pragalbha for your continuous support and motivation. You are dear to me. Stay happy and blessed ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh no! I’m so sorry you are going through this. Praying for you. So take hold of the light and never let go! It sounds very difficult but never give up! You are a warrior Soiba.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. soiba says:

      Your comment brought a smile to my face. Thank you for bringing hope at this moment. Prayers for you and your family. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. ivor20 says:

    Hold on Soiba …life is worth living … the alternative is a speck of dust … I dont pretend to comprehend your problems … my dear Carole suffered from severe MS for 30 years, and I still don’t know or understand how she managed to smile and accept her situation in life … she would always stay compassionate for everyone she met … and I think that was the secret … her ability to keep giving and sharing the love that dwelled deep within her soul … family and friends would visit and leave feeling amazed at the aura of kindness that Carole was able impart upon them … I’m not sure my words are of help … but remember this, you are not alone in this world, and there is always someone that cares deeply about your well being …
    “Starry, starry nights
    Shine on, shine on bright”
    Please stay, please stay within sight “

    Liked by 2 people

    1. soiba says:

      Oh dearest Ivor, your words melt me like anything! Your dearest Carole seems like a perfect role model for everyone alive. You’re right, “giving” is the key, being compassionate is the way to move forward happily. I hope one day I develop that kind of aura 🙂
      Thank you for being here xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ivor20 says:

        Sincerely my pleasure Soiba .. shine on, shine bright .. xx

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Sending you healing energy through continuous prayers! May God bless you, keep you and strengthen you, Soiba!💞💞💞🙏

    Liked by 2 people

    1. soiba says:

      That means a lot dear friend. Thank you for your prayers and wishes 🙂
      Stay blessed!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome Soiba. And thank you for your blessed wishes.🍃🌺♥️🌺🍃☀️

        Liked by 1 person

  6. lorriebowden says:

    I can feel your pain. Your words speak so profoundly to what you must be going through and I send you LOVE. I pray for your pain to lessen and for your light to shine ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. soiba says:

      Thank you so much Lorrie for your kind comment. Your words serve as a light at these moments. Sending you prayers and love ❤️

      Like

      1. lorriebowden says:

        I know how it feels and therefore I know how hard it can be to break out of the darkness. But…I also know it can be done. And it’s not always an all or nothing…sometimes it’s just keeping one foot in the light to remember we would rather be there. I keep you in my heart and send beautiful, white healing energy 💜

        Like

  7. Priti says:

    Sorry to hear this, just keep patience everything will be okay. Keep faith on God 🙏💝

    Liked by 2 people

    1. soiba says:

      Thank you Priti for your wonderful comment. Stay happy ❤

      Like

      1. Priti says:

        🍫🌹💐😊👌🌷❣️❤️My pleasure. God bless you ☺️

        Liked by 1 person

  8. TanvirKaur says:

    Wish you have recovered now.. love and support is the biggest healer and all we need

    Liked by 1 person

    1. soiba says:

      True that! Thank you for your comment ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. TanvirKaur says:

        My pleasure 😇

        Liked by 1 person

  9. magarisa says:

    I hope your health has improved since you posted this, Soiba. Sending you love and positive thoughts.

    Like

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